During the last year, I’ve really taken an in depth look at my relationships.  It started with a life-long friend who it appeared on the surface that we had just drifted apart.  At one point my friend Le’s husband R asked me, “Debs, why are you even friends with her?”  I absolutely could not answer the question.  This person was all about me when she was focused on me, but would switch to someone else as soon as the mood struck & I wouldn’t hear from her again for months, sometimes years, at a time.  She would stop answering emails, avoid phone calls, etc.  We even had a group of friends who would make plans monthly (reservations, or lunch parties) and she would inevitably text me the day of the event with one excuse or another.  So in answer to R’s question?  I drew a complete blank.  Hit a brick wall!  When I confronted her about it, she called me childish, selfish, and a few other choice names that WordPress would not appreciate.  So, I ended the friendship to avoid having further disappointment.

Throughout the year, I found that I had a few other disturbing friendships and decided to let them fall to the wayside as well.

In November, I looked at my Facebook account.  I had more than 550 friends; many of whom were simply acquaintances that I had not heard from since the initial friend request.  I took a good hard look at each of those 550+ “friends” and decided that if I wouldn’t be willing to call them on the phone, there is no reason to keep us as friends.  I got that list down to 219 & some days I find that is still too many.

Yesterday I went to the doctor.  I’ve loved, loved, loved my general practitioner since I met him (and he helped me through the psycho craziness of my health without totally scaring me).  His PA, on the other hand, not so much.  He always talks super fast.  He is direct and to the point (unlike most Southern USA people I know).  And I never felt like he was as friendly as my GP.  My GP was out of the office and I could hear him in the next room with a patient.  He was very thorough asking methodical questions (why are the walls so thin in that office??).  He asked question after question, found out the patient’s fears and symptoms, tied them in with other symptoms that she had never thought of, etc.  As I sat there I thought to myself, “Why do I dislike him so much?  What could I possibly have for disliking him when we’ve only met twice?”  Maybe it was the first impression when I was super sick, had a sky high fever and they were still trying to figure out all my other ailments.  Who knows?  I decided I would give him another chance for a first impression.

He walked into the room and smiled asking how everything was going.  He then started looking through my gigantic chart (have I really only been seeing this GP since 9/09 and my chart is THAT huge?) trying to find a previous instance of bloodwork.  I told him that he’d have to go back to the beginning.  He started comparing, making jokes, telling me new things of concern (vitamin D, LDL, sugar levels) telling me how proud he is of me doing Zumba and losing weight.  He suggested an app for my iPhone.  He suggested a vitamin regimen (to try to work everything out before using prescriptions), and he said he’d like to do bloodwork again in 3 months (along with a new allergy panel) to see how this regimen is working out for me.

WOW  I actually like this guy!  What it the world did I have against him?  He cares about his patients, he talks fast & is to the point, but he has other patients to get to.  He suggests regimens that aren’t 100% prescription.  NICE!

Maybe I should look at other relationships that give off negative vibes…maybe, just maybe, it’s me!


4 thoughts on “Relationships

  1. Hey, you never know right? I love this post because it describes what happens to all of us. Sometimes we second guess a person or we’re in a bad mood and project on another and then… they prove us wrong. Of course, this is not always the case but it’s great when it happens. 🙂
    I’m on my vampire schedule today… even if I don’t show up as the posts arrive in my box, I will make the effort to catch up. Don’t count me out yet 🙂
    Have a great weekend!

    1. Thanks! I was sitting there & honestly thought, “why in the world do I not like him?” I think I’ll try it on a few other relationships/acquaintances as well to see what the outcome is.

  2. I did the same thing recently – kind of weeded my friend garden – it is a hard process sometimes – but very liberating and also gives you room for new/better friends!

    1. It really was liberating! You mean I can actually stop being friends with someone? It was like a light went off. I don’t have to remain friends with those who make me unhappy. I don’t even have to remain acquaintances with them!

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