Posts Tagged ‘Anger’

Comments About Weather

January 18, 2011

Being as how most of you just met my coworker, L, through yesterday’s post weather, I thought I’d give you a little background on our ummm relationship in today’s post.

**BE FOREWARNED – THIS IS NOT A POSITIVE POST – I APOLOGIZE, BUT THERE”S NO OTHER WAY TO DO IT**

I started working here in 2004.  During my first week almost everyone in the office tried to “warn” me about L and her horribly nasty attitude.  I brushed their comments aside trying to give her a chance without their comments seeping into my head.  That first week was tolerable while she trained me telling me every 5 minutes that I needed to take all notes on sticky notes (I really don’t like sticky notes) and highlight different items in my notebook (I abhor highlighting).  I would explain over & over that is not the way I think & I continued putting items in my notebook.

I soon realized that she spews hatred for anything different than her personal protestant beliefs (isn’t the message of Jesus love?).  A cow0rker had just adopted an Asian baby.  One of our coworkers, who happens to be Asian, helped decorate for the party we threw for her.  He put up different Asian symbols, and one of them was a small paper Buddha.  L walked into the room and completely flipped out shrieking and yelling that she couldn’t be in the same room with idols and that we absolutely HAD to remove the Buddha from the room.  Everyone was shocked that she caused such a scene and the Asian coworker took the wall decoration into his office.  Of course she has no problem entering Asian restaurants where there are Buddhas present in many different areas of the restaurant, but I digress.

Fast forward 2 years and J had a baby.  YAY for J, B & their beautiful little boy M!!!  J’s husband comes from an extremely large Italian Catholic family where the tradition is the have the baby’s dedication in a Catholic church.  She invited a few people from the office and L once again flipped out on us.  She explained to J that she couldn’t possibly raise that child in a Catholic home because Catholicism is a cult and her child will go to hell because of this baby dedication.  Who says such a thing to a new mother?

Even more disturbing is that she’ll see something in the newspaper and start spewing hatred towards people she’s never met because they have a different lifestyle, or beliefs, than her own.  I’ve learned to never, ever, go into the break room while she’s eating and reading the newspaper.

As assistants to the partners of our firm, one of our tasks is to collect accounts receivable.  I usually send an email that reads, “In looking through our invoices, I don’t see where XYZ was paid.  I do hope it wasn’t lost in the mail.  Could you please check on this invoice and let me know the status?”  I do everything through email because I like to have a paper trail to look back if someone says they didn’t receive something.  Anyway, I usually get a response of, “Oh no, I’m so sorry, I’ll check on this right away” etc.  Her method isn’t nearly as effective.  She calls the client and the one-sided conversation goes something like this… “I was calling about this invoice XYZ…Well it’s 30 days old and I need the payment…You’re responsible for this payment, not the person taking out the loan, so you need to send me a check today.”  It only gets worse, but you get the idea.

On top of everything else, she has extensive health issues (due to her weight), she constantly complains that she has no money while asking everyone how much things are, and she has an hour long argument with her daughter over the phone at least once a week during regular work hours.

I’ve tried, tried, tried to be nice to this woman.  I even did a 30 day trial of trying to be nice to her every day, but at one point I just gave up.  I’m now not necessarily rude, but I’m not overly friendly either.  If she asks how my weekend was, I say good & leave it at that.  If she asks how I’m feeling, again I say good.  I find that if I leave responses to one word, or short sentences, I can tolerate her.

Again, I’m sorry for the negativity of this post, but thought it would explain L a little better.

You’re Allowed to be Angry

January 14, 2011

I realize this may come in direct conflict with my happiness post, but every now & then it helps to get angry.  I don’t mean when someone cuts in front of you in the Starbucks drive thru.  I mean there are certain times when you need to just let it all out!

When I was first told that I had a heart problem, it was an answer to an on-going problem that I had for 20+ years that doctors always attributed to stress.  I would always argue that it had nothing to do with stress & would just show up unannounced when I was putting on makeup. I wasn’t happy that it was a lot more frequent now and that I suddenly had to be on meds for it, but I wasn’t angry.

That same day I was told that I had a “connective tissue disorder” whatever that meant.  I studied it online & the next time I met with the doctor, (the next week) I was told that it was lupus.  OK that made me angry!  I can’t possibly have a life threatening disease!  What is going on here?  Surely the doctors & blood work are wrong!!!

Well, they were, but not in the way I expected.  After 6 months of weekly doctor visits (3 ologists & my gp), I found out that I don’t have lupus YAY!!!!  Finally something to be excited about!!!!!!!

I have an allergy to the saturated fat in red meat.  WHOA!  Hold on just a darn minute!  Anger reared its ugly head.  I.CAN’T.BE.ALLERGIC.TO.MY.BELOVED.RED.MEAT!  I mean, I CRAVED red meat!  I need it!  It screams my name! I read everything I could about trying different types (grass fed, organic, etc.) only to find out that even pork “the other white meat” is truly red meat and my body just can’t handle any of it.  😦  After eating just one serving of red meat, I can hardly walk the next day.  😦  I tried a small bite of a tasty looking cheeseburger that my husband was eating about 8 months after giving it up & had to spit it out…it tasted like pure fat!  GROSS!

<sigh> After getting angry, I gave up.  I gave up my beloved filet mignon, French onion soup, well done bacon, and juicy cheeseburgers. Even typing this, I had to slow down from the sadness of giving them up.

My friends L & K understand this, as they haven’t eaten any in years.  I now feel guilty for convincing them to go to a Brazilian steakhouse a few years ago during a girls weekend b/c just the smell of it cooking now turns my stomach, and in that restaurant they walk up with giant slabs of meat on sticks.   <sorry L & K!>

So when you’re given unexpected news feel free to vent and get angry.  Get it out of your system.  Write down your feelings.  Tell your pain buddy.  Tell your cat.  Tell your best friend.  Then, get over it.  Staying angry won’t change what’s happened.  If it’s something you can change…change it!  If it’s something you can write your elected officials and ask them to change, do it!  But staying angry over something you can’t change (health issues, or the actions of others), only hurts you.