Saturday my husband and I went to Fernandina Beach, Florida, which is about a 45 minute drive from our home. We went there just for a date day and had a fabulous time. We browsed stores, found some great deals for Christmas gifts, ate lunch on an outdoor patio at a Mexican restaurant, stopped in two local dive bars and found some delicious pecan pralines at a fudge shop, which was the perfect ending to a perfect day!
Hot buttered croissant with strawberry jam, Christmas buffet luncheon with coworkers & dinner with a friend I haven’t spent much time with recently.
They are three simple words, yet they are so powerful! How often do you say them? I say them to my husband before one of us leave the house, any time we talk on the phone & then before bed in the evening. I say them to my parents any time we talk on the phone. I tell my friends (probably not often enough) when we’re on the phone as well.
Where I sit in my office, I hear many, many, many phone conversations during the day. I’m always amazed at the lack of spouses/significant others not telling the other that they love them while on the phone. I’m even more amazed when parents talk to their children (grown or not) and don’t tell them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a conversation go like this…
“I gotta go, I’m on deadline.” “I really gotta go.” “Please call me tonight, I have to get off the phone.” 20 minutes later there is an argument followed with, “Will you just let me get off the phone? I really have to go!” followed with, “If you’re going to be ugly about it, I’m going to hang up the phone!” “I’m hanging up now….I’m hanging up now….I’m hanging up now….” SLAM
The phone is slammed down and not once during the 45 minute phone call did the caller (who I know is the child) hear that they are loved.
So very, very sad.
Growing up I never heard my dad tell me he loved me. I even went through counseling b/c I didn’t think my dad loved me. I would be told, “well you know he loves you, he just doesn’t know how to say it.” Did he not know how to say it b/c it wasn’t said often enough in his household? I was 21 years old the first time he told me that he loves me. I now make sure that I always say it any time we talk, or see each other, and he repeats it back. It’s true, he’s always loved me, but sometimes I just need to hear it.
So, get off the computer, and tell your friends and family that you love them.
During the last year, I’ve really taken an in depth look at my relationships. It started with a life-long friend who it appeared on the surface that we had just drifted apart. At one point my friend Le’s husband R asked me, “Debs, why are you even friends with her?” I absolutely could not answer the question. This person was all about me when she was focused on me, but would switch to someone else as soon as the mood struck & I wouldn’t hear from her again for months, sometimes years, at a time. She would stop answering emails, avoid phone calls, etc. We even had a group of friends who would make plans monthly (reservations, or lunch parties) and she would inevitably text me the day of the event with one excuse or another. So in answer to R’s question? I drew a complete blank. Hit a brick wall! When I confronted her about it, she called me childish, selfish, and a few other choice names that WordPress would not appreciate. So, I ended the friendship to avoid having further disappointment.
Throughout the year, I found that I had a few other disturbing friendships and decided to let them fall to the wayside as well.
In November, I looked at my Facebook account. I had more than 550 friends; many of whom were simply acquaintances that I had not heard from since the initial friend request. I took a good hard look at each of those 550+ “friends” and decided that if I wouldn’t be willing to call them on the phone, there is no reason to keep us as friends. I got that list down to 219 & some days I find that is still too many.
Yesterday I went to the doctor. I’ve loved, loved, loved my general practitioner since I met him (and he helped me through the psycho craziness of my health without totally scaring me). His PA, on the other hand, not so much. He always talks super fast. He is direct and to the point (unlike most Southern USA people I know). And I never felt like he was as friendly as my GP. My GP was out of the office and I could hear him in the next room with a patient. He was very thorough asking methodical questions (why are the walls so thin in that office??). He asked question after question, found out the patient’s fears and symptoms, tied them in with other symptoms that she had never thought of, etc. As I sat there I thought to myself, “Why do I dislike him so much? What could I possibly have for disliking him when we’ve only met twice?” Maybe it was the first impression when I was super sick, had a sky high fever and they were still trying to figure out all my other ailments. Who knows? I decided I would give him another chance for a first impression.
He walked into the room and smiled asking how everything was going. He then started looking through my gigantic chart (have I really only been seeing this GP since 9/09 and my chart is THAT huge?) trying to find a previous instance of bloodwork. I told him that he’d have to go back to the beginning. He started comparing, making jokes, telling me new things of concern (vitamin D, LDL, sugar levels) telling me how proud he is of me doing Zumba and losing weight. He suggested an app for my iPhone. He suggested a vitamin regimen (to try to work everything out before using prescriptions), and he said he’d like to do bloodwork again in 3 months (along with a new allergy panel) to see how this regimen is working out for me.
WOW I actually like this guy! What it the world did I have against him? He cares about his patients, he talks fast & is to the point, but he has other patients to get to. He suggests regimens that aren’t 100% prescription. NICE!
Maybe I should look at other relationships that give off negative vibes…maybe, just maybe, it’s me!
Participating in Wordless Wednesday. Sorry it’s a little blurry…try taking a pic with your phone of a playing cat. 😉
Powered by Linky Tools
Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list…
I realize this may come in direct conflict with my happiness post, but every now & then it helps to get angry. I don’t mean when someone cuts in front of you in the Starbucks drive thru. I mean there are certain times when you need to just let it all out!
When I was first told that I had a heart problem, it was an answer to an on-going problem that I had for 20+ years that doctors always attributed to stress. I would always argue that it had nothing to do with stress & would just show up unannounced when I was putting on makeup. I wasn’t happy that it was a lot more frequent now and that I suddenly had to be on meds for it, but I wasn’t angry.
That same day I was told that I had a “connective tissue disorder” whatever that meant. I studied it online & the next time I met with the doctor, (the next week) I was told that it was lupus. OK that made me angry! I can’t possibly have a life threatening disease! What is going on here? Surely the doctors & blood work are wrong!!!
Well, they were, but not in the way I expected. After 6 months of weekly doctor visits (3 ologists & my gp), I found out that I don’t have lupus YAY!!!! Finally something to be excited about!!!!!!!
I have an allergy to the saturated fat in red meat. WHOA! Hold on just a darn minute! Anger reared its ugly head. I.CAN’T.BE.ALLERGIC.TO.MY.BELOVED.RED.MEAT! I mean, I CRAVED red meat! I need it! It screams my name! I read everything I could about trying different types (grass fed, organic, etc.) only to find out that even pork “the other white meat” is truly red meat and my body just can’t handle any of it. 😦 After eating just one serving of red meat, I can hardly walk the next day. 😦 I tried a small bite of a tasty looking cheeseburger that my husband was eating about 8 months after giving it up & had to spit it out…it tasted like pure fat! GROSS!
<sigh> After getting angry, I gave up. I gave up my beloved filet mignon, French onion soup, well done bacon, and juicy cheeseburgers. Even typing this, I had to slow down from the sadness of giving them up.
My friends L & K understand this, as they haven’t eaten any in years. I now feel guilty for convincing them to go to a Brazilian steakhouse a few years ago during a girls weekend b/c just the smell of it cooking now turns my stomach, and in that restaurant they walk up with giant slabs of meat on sticks. <sorry L & K!>
So when you’re given unexpected news feel free to vent and get angry. Get it out of your system. Write down your feelings. Tell your pain buddy. Tell your cat. Tell your best friend. Then, get over it. Staying angry won’t change what’s happened. If it’s something you can change…change it! If it’s something you can write your elected officials and ask them to change, do it! But staying angry over something you can’t change (health issues, or the actions of others), only hurts you.